Happiness is!!

"Happiness is the hope of living life, breathing free with arms open wide"

Day 3: 18/03/2014

"Anvi, I am getting these wierd feelings in my tummy"

"Dude, did you eat anything wrong?"

"Seriously? They are not that feelings, they are the feelings which come when I am uneasy"

I wish I could tell Pranali I had similar emotions coming out of me. It was the last day of my breakfree tour. I soon had to go to my old life again.

"I need to start living Anvi, surviving is not what I want. I want to talk to be heard"

"And I need to quit this job. It is draining out the life in me."

Why do I always crib with this? I have said this to almost everybody. I am such a cry baby. I was thinking of it and something odd happened inside me. Maybe it was the 'Queen' effect, but that very moment I did something my family or friends will not understand right now.

"Pranali I am quitting. I am taking the internship the newspaper has offered"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I know my family is not going to take this easily, but I am used to tragic situations now."

"If you do it, I will too stop tormenting myself with bygones."

Yes, this time there was no looking back. We cannot waste our life on a boring job and a fucked up relationship. To reach somewhere, we had to leave from somewhere.

This was it, our decision was made. Pranali hugged me tight assuring she would not let me die hungry if I do not get a job after the internship and I had to be her support whenever she needed backup.

To celebrate we raised a toast with freshly cut slices of watermelons, sitting near the highway. Sandeep and Sushant were there with us unknown of all the storms going inside the both of us. They were confused with our continuous laughing and our witfully teasing them. I guess they had started to wonder if we were mentally challenged.

So, this trip did more than just a break to the two of us. We realized our dreams, decided to live them and promised to support each other in every downfall and cherish each other in every success.

The last hug I shared with my evil twin was something I guess I had been missing for a long time. These are the times you realize that friendship is not dedicating a status to somebody or putting up a fancy caption on your picture with someone or flaunting your love to evrrbody. It is just the understanding between two individuals that does not need to be displayed. I am lucky to have these few friends around me who are there with me even if not near me.

Happiness is...

"Happiness is following the idiot voice inside you and ending up in trouble"

Day 1 - 16th March, 2014

It was a pleasant morning. I was sleeping with my neice next to me. Yes, I was home, away from the white work cubicle that suffocates me to death each day. I had to come home and take some leaves even if it meant getting fired. (I swear I am waiting to get fired :-P). I guess I was dreaming karan doing the rapid fire with me. He asked me name one thing that has always inspired me to write. I gave a smile and replied,

"Train! Train! Train!"

My dream got cut with my neice shouting in my ears. I never got to know what had inspired me. Instead, with sleepy eyes I had to stand outside the balcony showing my sweetheart a train passing by. That was how my day had started.

After the usual breakfast, family gosipps with my mom and sister, etc etc.. i started feeling a little restless. I had told all my home friends that I was coming, but till 1 in the afternoon there was no call or message. Infact, my watsapp also did not ring. This is when I realized it was not them, it was my phone. There was no range for no reason. (Apologies to all who tried calling me!)

This is when my day actually started. I panicked and left to give the phone to a repair shop. My neice companied me. The three year stood in front of the activa seat. For some while she behaved pretty well, later the embarassment began. There was no passer by who she did not shout at saying,
'Hi Aunty' in her UK accent and was continuously pressong the horn switch. When we waited to get her an icecream, all she did was make faces and demand for a Mengo Doly. When finally getting her home with her mengo doly, I was given the responsibility to get her to sleep. I tried to sing something but she retorted back saying,

"You have a ball face masi. Can I play football with it?"

Finally, I got up 4 hours later when Bhanu (My weird school friend) kicked my butt. It seems my darling neice had got me to sleep quite well.

"Where the hell is your phone?"

"Repair"

"Get up and drop me home"

"Why did you come then?"

"To see if you were alive. Now, its 7, need to reach before 7.30"

I was a mess, a total creepy looking masi. Yet, I had to go. But Bhanu was not the only devil in disguise. Pranali (A doppleganger, the evil twin I have) had joined in too.

We went in tripples to drop Bhanu. On our way back, the holi fever was on. There wer songs playing outside every 'mandal'. When passing one of them, pranali lifted my hand and made dancing movements. We were not the only crazy apparantly. All the guys in the mandal started shouting and dancing seeing us. It was embarassing. The two crazy single women were in search of good guys, but this was mad.

"Hey let us walk in that restaurant."
"Yeah! Show some attitude with the entrance"

"Yeah"

Just outside the entrance, bith of us took a deep breath and got into a nice classy chick attitude.

"Tummy in, butts out"

And we laughed like maniacs. All the attitude went away with the giggles. We roamed around, we sang, wore the devil horns dazzling with lights and hit on every guy possible. Two hours straight we screamed and let go of every little crazy hormone dieing to come out since months. Finally, the rush ended with dancing the "Queen" style in my house parking with almost all my apartment folks noticing us. It was normal for them though, we had been worse sometimes.

Anyway, the day ended with my mommy, my sisters, my neice and me letting go a light in the sky with messages to all the ones looking over us from above..!!

I know when I go back for work, the boss is going to sulk. But the three day 'Happiness tour' I am on is totally worth it...:-*:-)

Flying Solo!

“Rishi, I need my backpack empty in the next 15 minutes.”

So, going on a vacation is not always easy. At least, it has never been a simple task for me. Till date I have been on a holiday either with my family, friends or my hubby. For the first time ever, I was going to fly solo. But, it wasn't going to be as easy as anticipated.

“Are you really planning this alone? You do not even know what flight is reasonable or what hotel is decent “, my husband, Rishi, was not so keen on my trip. He was concerned for me which made him doubtful of my venture. His uncertainty had become a challenge for me. I had to travel alone this time. He handed me his favorite backpack and tried to talk me out of my crazy trip idea.

“You could have chosen Mahabaleshwar, Matheran or some nearby beach. Why do you want to go for a Gujarat trip? “

“That is my native, I want to explore it honey. Do not worry. Plus, I am travelling with an I-pad and a good network provider. I will have my phone as well, which is GPS equipped.”

“And what is that going to do?”

“It is going to keep me informed with the routes, hotels and places of my interest.”

“What if your battery runs out?”

“I am intelligent you see, I got a travel charger.”

“What about your flight tickets and stuff? You are going to call me for getting your bookings done for sure.”

“No, I am going to travel smart with Skyscanner.”

“A woman travelling alone to explore her native, sure sounds smart!”

I was annoyed with his statement, but I had to keep my cool and convince him for get away adventure.

“A woman can be smarter with Skyscanner. It also has a phone application.”

“What is it?”

“An application that is going to tell me the flight details, help me with finding the most reasonable ones and it will do the booking too. Not only that, I have already started booking the best of the affordable hotels in my route.”

“It sounds impressive!”

“Haha! I know, in fact the application has already helped me to shortlist the best places of Gujarat that will help me know my culture better. I also know what place is famous for what cuisine, the tourist spots and the people and tradition developed there. I already have a bucket list of things to do in Gujarat and all because of my Sky!.”

“So now I have no valid reason to stop you?”

And there I just had a proud moment of victory. I packed my backpack carrying two jeans, a few t-shirts, a camera, I-pad and my phone. Almost all my transactions were online, so I did not have to worry losing cash or tickets. I was excited to leave for my 10 day venture alone. I was all ready to travel around my native and discover myself in the process. 

Travelling smart is easy, only if you get the right lead!

My entry for Indiblogger - Skyscanner contest!

Nami..!!

In each one's life there comes a point when you feel that you are lonely, disheartened and pale. I was in that phase too, where things were messed up with me. I had people to talk to, but I did not want any of them to advice me or judge me with my crap. I just needed a friend who could listen to me, someone whose company would give me some peace of mind.

With all the confusion tormenting my mind, I had to find a place to breathe. I started going to Parvati every morning. It was one of the most beautiful and peaceful places in this city. A pious temple with greenery all over. The view of the city was terrific from the top - I felt like a queen reigning watching tiny little people struggling to get through their day.

This is where I also met Aravya for the first time. A 6 year old, dusky and cute little girl who used to come there with her grandfather everyday. She was in her Upper Kindergarten, but was super fun to talk to.

"Di, why you come here everyday?"

She had asked this to me for the hundredth time now. I had no explanation for her. Instead, I questioned her once,

"Why are you here?"

"I am here for Nami"

I never understood her speech very well. She was a kid with incomplete speech, so most of the times I did not bother what she meant to say. I smiled at her and waited for her grandpa to come back from the temple. He was an old man, maybe in his 60's, or rather younger.. He took her little plump palms in his rough but experienced hands. She looked at him and spoke in her 'bits and pieces' vocabulary.

"Dadu, I not say 'Bye' to Nami"

Her grandfather gave deliberate sadness filled expressions and asked her to go say bye. I watched her run behind the temple premises. I was curious to know who Nami was, therefore, I followed her. She was standing there right behind the temple hugging her Nami.

Nami - was a big Mango tree there.

"So this is Nami?", I asked walking up to her. She simultaneously waved at the tress and nodded her head in approval..

I asked her grandfather about Aravya's Nami. He told me that her mother had passed away right after her birth. She did not have a Mommy and always wanted one. Once her school teacher told her that 'Nature is our Mother, Planet Earth is our mother'.

The next day when she came to Parvati with her grandfather she chose the Mango tree as her Nami. Every morning she used to come to meet her Nami and talk to her in her short but jumbled sentences.

"Why did she chose the Mango tree?"

Her grandfather smiled a little and replied,

"She loves the Kissan mango Jam and thinks it is her mother who makes it for her. So, this mango tree is what makes her delicious Mango Jam. That is why the tree is her Nami."

Though the reason for the mango tree being her Nami was childish and funny. But, she inspired me a lot that day. The little girl found a mother in nature, and here I was upset because I felt lonely. I tried out the Aravya trick, and searched for my friend in nature.

I planted a rose in my corridor the same day and talked to the plant each time I felt lost and alone. The best part was, that my friend was always there for me. What better than the Environment and Nature around me to talk to when low?

This little kid did teach me how to befriend nature who is an inspiration, care taker and a supporter of life. Even though we have spoiled nature so much, it will always be the Nami who would continue to nurtures her kids without any complaints or regrets.

My Post for The Indiblogger - Kissan's #Nature'sfriends contest.

I am back..HaHa!!

I was waiting in this small room. It was painted blue on one side, red on the second, green on the third and blue on the last one. The floor had spotless white marble and the ceiling was jet black. "And this is going to decide my fate!", I thought as a short guy was walking up to me holding a hideous hat. He spoke in a very attractive and calm voice,
"So, I am going to place this hat on your head. The hat will then decide where you will be going. It will be done in a few seconds and not hurt at all."
The guy sounded more like the nurse who took my blood samples in the hospital 7 months before when I got to know about my sickness. It was a Brain Tumor - a time bomb - which burst inside my brain a month later the report and killed me. I had no idea how it felt like dying but the after process sure was lethargic. After tons of form filling and standing in ques, I finally entered the dooms room. The place where my 'Karma' would be calculated and my fate of hell and heaven would be decided.
"This is the 'Harry Potter' hat?"
The guy's face became red with irritation,
"For the last time, I am waiting for Rowling to come again and apologize for stealing my idea"
"She was here?"
"Not your business"
I sat quietly as the cap was kept on my head. I waited for a long time but the cap seemed to have lost somewhere in my head. Finally, the hat spoke in the guy's ears. The guy  looked annoyed and spoke,
"Could you just not balance your Karma so well before coming back again?"
"Again? Am I supposed to do the form filling again?Why?"
"You are balanced in all ways. Your good and bad is same. Your dreams and nightmares are balanced. Your achievements and losses are equal."
"So?"
"You go back. Pack your bags."
Before I could respond, I was standing outside my house. I felt a gush of polluted air enter through my nose. The sun seemed less bright than the room I was in. I thought I was a ghost now - I had heard people say that if your soul does not get a place anywhere you hangout alone on Earth for eternity.
I was shit scared, sweating like a pig. Wait! Even ghosts sweat, odd. I saw my sister at the parking wearing my dress. I went stood behind her hoping she would feel me. I did not understand if she felt me, but I sure had my eardrums in panic when she screamed when she faced me.
"Aaannnvviii!!.. OMG! Is this a ghost or a joke. I am sorry I will not wear your favorite dress again"
She just saw me. I guess the sister bond worked after all.
"Hey! You can wear it, I am dead anyways. What is up with you? And relax, am not going to hurt you." I stepped closer and touched her shoulder. I could feel her touch and so could she. I was feeling so much better that I hugged her. But, I guess she freaked out being hugged by her dead sis. She pushed me hard, I fell on my knees and bruised it. There was blood coming out.
"You are a vampire or a zombie. I told you not to watch Vampire Diaries all the time...
I couldn't understand a word after that as she went running inside.  I stood up and went inside my house. I could listen to my mother, hoping that she would be able to see me too.
"Hetal, shut up. Your sister never was bad to you when alive or after she is dead. Stop the bull shit"
But she stood still and shocked when she saw me and me with a bruised knee. She screamed aloud,
"Kunal, she is back"
She came to me and actually inspected me from top to bottom. She made me sit at a corner staring at me till my husband was downstairs.
"Who is back Mom?"
"What are you doing here? What is wrong with our house?"
I asked him seeing him in his house shorts and t-shirt. He looked at me and stood stunned. He could not speak. Finally, I walked to him and put his hands on my heart.
"It is beating for God's sake. I am back. Did you remarry?"
"She has a heartbeat. Mom, she is alive or what. I do not know. Call the doctor. Oh my god, and yeah she is anvi, still the same questioning. I need to calm."
The doctor was called and he finally proclaimed I was alive with running blood and beating heart. My family had a lot of questions but my mom hugged me tight and started crying. Her tears were unstoppable. I am sure she was glad that I am back again. Kunal kissed me and in front of my mom and sister. Though I loved his lips after so long.
"I missed you. How are you back? you know I missed you right?"
They told me everything that happened since the 6 months I was gone. My husband had moved with my mother and was her son now. My sister had taken over all my room, clothes and cell phone but I know that was only because she wanted to feel me closer. My mom used to talk to my photo everyday and read all my blogs over and over again.
Finally, I looked at them and tried to cheer up things,
"I am alive, please remove that garland of my photo. And the frame does not even match my pic background."
Everybody laughed and I am sure it was after a long time. Though they had all moved on, my room was not the same, there were new things happened. But, even if they had moved on, they had not forgotten me. There is a "Welcome Back" for everybody who is lost in the phases of life. So, death was real but I am back!!
My entry for 'Indispire'