Everyone who has watched the movie "Shudh Desi" or has heard about it must know the basic idea of Live In Relationships potrayed in it. The whole idea of Indian youth opting for live in relationships rather than full life marraige commitments is something new and quite a bold move to show the changing dynamics of Indian culture. Every couple would want to move in acnd stay together like that all life. Maybe some of them must have already tried it. But is the whole live in concept as fun and naughty as we all have started thinking of it. Well, I recently met two of my school buddies who are currently living with their boyfriends which has changed my views towards it. Spending 3 days with them I have got to know a lot about their lives with their respective "Chhavas" as I would say.
Anyways, so I have two friends - though they wouldn't mind me taking their names, I choose to keep anonymity and name them Honey and Chilli. The names say it all about their characteristics and personalities. Let me first write down their brief introduction and their back stories.
Honey is a very humble, caring and a sweet person. She has seen the middle class, youngest kid of the family and feeling suffocated and strangled phase in her life. Hence, decided to go to a different city and leave all the ties and knots behind to start a new life. This decision was when she was 16. She lived in a hostel to continue her education and as it happens in every students life, she happened to meet a guy and the same old love happened. At the mere age of 18, they decided to move in. Ofcourse the parents do not know and somehow they have managed this for the past 4 years. There was a few months gap due to technical issues I would not get into. But moral of the story being they were the dream couple for so many. Living in, going parties, study together, travel together and so much without even giving your parents a slight sniff about it. There are so many couples out there who would want to live their life.
The other friend, Chilli, is like her name. She is hot, sexy and can make heads turn around. She is one bitch who would not shy around the world or live with double standards. She is raised by her mother alone but that has never let her down in confidence. Though she does every thing that the society does not approve of but she is not a two faced chick to hide it. She had come to this city for her graduation. She did find a few guys here but she found herself comfort with a guy of her old place. They too fell in love but the raunchy style. Recently, a few months back they moved in and now live together.
So these were my two school time besties. We had a night in at Honey's home as her boyfriend was out of town. We were partying, trying all party outfits, planning for a nice vacation and watching sex and the city. I do not know if it was Carrie's break up with Big B or was it the port wine, but soon our topic of discussion was 'Boyfriends'. And in a matter of seconds it shifted to 'Live in'.
Chilli in her direct blunt tone stated, "Anvi never get in a live in with your boyfriend. It is worse than getting married."
Honey looked at Chilli and shouted,"Did you listen to me? Anvi I told her not to. You know I was the dumbest to move in at the stupid age of 18, I did not know what love was and I jumped into this decision out of excitement and now I am just like a housewife."
Only thing I could do was listen to the two frustrated with Live - In ladies in front of me. It was a serious topic of discussion here I was the one getting adviced.
"Anvi, the anticipation is gone. You know the relation is way past the expiry date. All that is left is the habit we have of each other, no love."
Chilli sipped her wine and continued, "I want my boyfriend to cuddle me and he wants the same. But it just does not happen. Staying in the same house we do not have time for eachother. We have different dreams and different goals and one house is not able to fulfil both our dreams."
The whole environment got a little serious now. It was as if they were pouring their hearts out.
Honey also had a lot in store. She was the one who would never conplaint till it reaches the last level of her patience.
"You know what 3 years in a live in relationship, I moulded myself into his expectations. I loved him for his spontaneous and carefree nature. His creativity and art was what attracted me. And now he has left it all, the guy I fell in love with is gone. What am I waitung for?"
Both of them had to say that their love was lost somewhere in the live in arrangement. The daily monetory tensions, the household chores, the sex related issues and so many other things that are actually marital problems are faced by the both of them everyday. Listening to them I felt how did people survive marraige. The older generations did not even know their partners before marraige. So what is going wrong with us. It sure is not the problem of commitments. Because live in relationship is nuthn but a short term marraige arrangement. The legalities are not involved, that is it. Thinking a little deeper I felt it is our generation who is confused between love and life. We are losing the emotional aspects in our life and each one has their own ambitions, dreams and none want to compromise those. Even in these two cases, love was not lost, it was just hidden there or burdened under a load of expectations and aspirations. Honey and chilli are of two different category altogether, yes they made an early decision of live in but now even they are not able to get out of it.
Commitments are a part of life and live in relations are sure bot going to get you out of it. There might be a few happily commited and lovingly living together without marraige. But the ratio is high for the ones with unsuccesful relationships. My friends were quiet after that, maybe thinking over their worked up lives.
When I asked them why they were still with the live in, they had same answers.
"Maybe there is some part of me that loves him."
Anyways, so I have two friends - though they wouldn't mind me taking their names, I choose to keep anonymity and name them Honey and Chilli. The names say it all about their characteristics and personalities. Let me first write down their brief introduction and their back stories.
Honey is a very humble, caring and a sweet person. She has seen the middle class, youngest kid of the family and feeling suffocated and strangled phase in her life. Hence, decided to go to a different city and leave all the ties and knots behind to start a new life. This decision was when she was 16. She lived in a hostel to continue her education and as it happens in every students life, she happened to meet a guy and the same old love happened. At the mere age of 18, they decided to move in. Ofcourse the parents do not know and somehow they have managed this for the past 4 years. There was a few months gap due to technical issues I would not get into. But moral of the story being they were the dream couple for so many. Living in, going parties, study together, travel together and so much without even giving your parents a slight sniff about it. There are so many couples out there who would want to live their life.
The other friend, Chilli, is like her name. She is hot, sexy and can make heads turn around. She is one bitch who would not shy around the world or live with double standards. She is raised by her mother alone but that has never let her down in confidence. Though she does every thing that the society does not approve of but she is not a two faced chick to hide it. She had come to this city for her graduation. She did find a few guys here but she found herself comfort with a guy of her old place. They too fell in love but the raunchy style. Recently, a few months back they moved in and now live together.
So these were my two school time besties. We had a night in at Honey's home as her boyfriend was out of town. We were partying, trying all party outfits, planning for a nice vacation and watching sex and the city. I do not know if it was Carrie's break up with Big B or was it the port wine, but soon our topic of discussion was 'Boyfriends'. And in a matter of seconds it shifted to 'Live in'.
Chilli in her direct blunt tone stated, "Anvi never get in a live in with your boyfriend. It is worse than getting married."
Honey looked at Chilli and shouted,"Did you listen to me? Anvi I told her not to. You know I was the dumbest to move in at the stupid age of 18, I did not know what love was and I jumped into this decision out of excitement and now I am just like a housewife."
Only thing I could do was listen to the two frustrated with Live - In ladies in front of me. It was a serious topic of discussion here I was the one getting adviced.
"Anvi, the anticipation is gone. You know the relation is way past the expiry date. All that is left is the habit we have of each other, no love."
Chilli sipped her wine and continued, "I want my boyfriend to cuddle me and he wants the same. But it just does not happen. Staying in the same house we do not have time for eachother. We have different dreams and different goals and one house is not able to fulfil both our dreams."
The whole environment got a little serious now. It was as if they were pouring their hearts out.
Honey also had a lot in store. She was the one who would never conplaint till it reaches the last level of her patience.
"You know what 3 years in a live in relationship, I moulded myself into his expectations. I loved him for his spontaneous and carefree nature. His creativity and art was what attracted me. And now he has left it all, the guy I fell in love with is gone. What am I waitung for?"
Both of them had to say that their love was lost somewhere in the live in arrangement. The daily monetory tensions, the household chores, the sex related issues and so many other things that are actually marital problems are faced by the both of them everyday. Listening to them I felt how did people survive marraige. The older generations did not even know their partners before marraige. So what is going wrong with us. It sure is not the problem of commitments. Because live in relationship is nuthn but a short term marraige arrangement. The legalities are not involved, that is it. Thinking a little deeper I felt it is our generation who is confused between love and life. We are losing the emotional aspects in our life and each one has their own ambitions, dreams and none want to compromise those. Even in these two cases, love was not lost, it was just hidden there or burdened under a load of expectations and aspirations. Honey and chilli are of two different category altogether, yes they made an early decision of live in but now even they are not able to get out of it.
Commitments are a part of life and live in relations are sure bot going to get you out of it. There might be a few happily commited and lovingly living together without marraige. But the ratio is high for the ones with unsuccesful relationships. My friends were quiet after that, maybe thinking over their worked up lives.
When I asked them why they were still with the live in, they had same answers.
"Maybe there is some part of me that loves him."
- By Anvi Mehta
Nice read Anvi but for some typos. (y)
ReplyDeleteI don't know about Honey but "Shuddh Desi" seemed a lot Chilli to me! :)
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