A page from my Diary

"Flying away to a world where there is magic and adventure, living in a tale where there is a prince awaiting for me and finding the one who will hold my hands forever is what I want. Though my wishes are something quite common with many girls but they are not always granted for everyone. These are some thoughts I share through my stories, my stories that I wished could happen to me. Be it a stranger holding my hand in a bizarre wedding or me being able to talk to my 16 self. I wish there were wishes that could come true.
Whenever I have such impractical and fairytale things in my mind, I feel like I am living a dual personality. One self who is practical and thinks that we should make use of life as a chance to grow higher and work using intellect and brain. But when I start writing I somehow become a person who believes in a prince on a white horse, a villain who eventually dies, true love and happy endings. I become the damsel in distress in the stories where in reality I can cause a lot of distress to others:-P.
There is always a conflict between the two people inside me. I do not understand what to react as when I am actually being treated as a princess. And I totally become an emotional fool when I have to stand for myself and be practical. This dual personality does make me confused and chaotic. And this is quite evident to people who know me quite well. But I guess this is what differs the writer in me which I am suppressing because of my stupid choices. Now it is me who has to decide if I want to continue with the modern lady who will think practical or bring out the dreamer stuck inside who comes out only when I bring words together.
Right now I am here staring at the stars right above me. It is freaking cold and all I want is to do is keep on feeling this wind on my face. Right now I feel am a perfect combination of both my selves and I hope this night doesnt end soon. Tomorrow again I have to decide my destiny and try not to be throwing away the chance of doing something where my passion stays and go for my routine. There is absolutely nothing wrong in being a normal working lady, but it is wrong of me to live that because it is not what I want to. Isn't this cheating my own self? Am I scared to take the risk? What is stopping me? Am I just finding reasons of responsibility and family pressures which actually do not exist or am I just another girl who will complaint of her stupid life all the time?
There are many questions that are bugging me right now. Answers are right here shining among these stars, I am just not accepting them. I am not breaking free, I am not coming out of the shell. I do not want to regret anything in life, I do not want to stop dreaming."
06-01-2014

- By Anvi Mehta